In honor of elusiivelove’s lolcats contest, I thought it time that I learned the art of the lolSpeak, since I can’t understand half of what the users on icanhascheezburger.com are saying.

It’s pretty simple, we start with an ordinary comment such as: “Look at the evil cat. He is trying to hypnotize us!”

Then, forget everything you ever learned about grammar. Everything. Misuse verbs, turn adjectives into nouns, pay no attention to syntax, forget about correct pronouns, and of course, use “younger” words (like kitty). So, the example sentence above turns into, “To be looking at the kitty that is very fulling with evilness. Him tries the fact that hypnosis is being done with us!”

After this, you simply misspell everything you can especially words that are spelled differently from how they sound (with the exception of small words). Do things like using vowels at every opportunity, replace ‘s’ with ‘z’, pluralize everything, and always replace ‘the’ with ‘teh’. Applying this rule we have, “We beez lukking at teh kitteh wif awl da evuhlnus. Him beez tryyng to put teh hep-no-ties on wif us.”

Almost done! Now is the time to add extra words and exclamations. Use abbreviations like lol, omg, rofl, idk, wtf (and other popular internet abbreviations) and then misspell them i.e. lawlz. Be sure to add extra descriptive words such as ‘like’ and ‘totally’. Now we have, “OMGZ!!!1 Lik wau! We beez lukking at dis kitteh wif awl dis evuhlnuss. WFT?!?!! Him beez lik tryyng 2 tewtuhly hep-no-ties wif us!!”

And if you really want to go for broke, you can add any addition information that you like. I imagine that it would go a little something like this,

“OMGZ!!!1 Lik wau! We beez lukking at dis kitteh wif awl dis evuhlnuss. WFT?!?!! Him beez lik tryyng to tewtuhly hep-no-ties wif us!! Don be evuhl lil kitti, Iz will be luvvng U. Com har nd I beez givn youz da bowage fer yer hedz tehn youz not be evuhls n e moar. kthxbai?!!!”

This summary made with the help of copyright ELFN 2007, all rights reserved. Log on to Speak Lolspeak! fer moar hlp.

moar funny pictures
because I work at Starbucks…

Right now the featured question is, “How do you feel about the adoption of children by same sex couples?” Most of the answers I read were in support of it, which shows that even though we have yet to be unified on the topic of same sex marriages, that we realize that homosexuality does not have anything to do with parenting. One of the pages though, had this to say about same sex adoption,

“the world is already so fucked up…….who gives a damn anymore. i’m against gay marriage and gays and all that but i’m like whatever about it…..don’t shove it in my face and leave me alone….but adopting kids??? that’s just sick! poor child is gonna grow up being teased and tormented for the rest of their life! (at least until they move out) poor sad little child.”

Of course, I don’t agree with that statement so I left a comment and went on my merry way. Well, this morning the user had left me a comment so I went back to their site and saw (to my horror) that they had reposted the question with a slightly different answer,

“i decided to answer this again because i’m bored and have read so many funny responses to this question. first off…..i am NOT a homophobic if i was i would be scared of gay people and could not even be around them. i am just simply AGAINST gay marriage and having 2 gays raise a child. i personally do not like the lifestyle of gays and i think it is somewhat repulsive……but i DO NOT blame them….i know it’s genetic i’m not a retard. as long as they’re not around me then fine…..but i don’t want 2 gays making out in front of me or anything (i don’t even like it when STRAIGHT people make out in front of me there’s rooms for that and private places) i think that it would kill the poor childs chances at having a normal life. poor kid…..he would get made fun of all through school. by being gay they know they will not have what we call…a normal life. so why should they get married and why should they be allowed to adopt a child? even if the USA passes laws for gay marriage in every state and lets gay couples adopt a child they still will not lead a normal life.
go ahead and start bitching at me because what i said was SO WRONG!!!! but if you have half a brain and take a few seconds to THINK then you will see that i am against the whole concept of gay marriage, and gay adoption, but not against gays personally.
go ahead and come up with a response.”

This attitude doesn’t so much as offend me but it hurts to know that there are so many discriminating people in this world. This user is very young and that suggests that it’s not just their beliefs, but their parents’ beliefs as well. I left this comment to the above post, tell me what you think.

“Yes, you have an opinion. But it is an ill-informed and uneducated opinion. You are also unreceptive to new ideas and by definition, that is what makes you close minded. You don’t know anyone who was brought up by gay parents and you obviously feel that because you don’t approve of gay marriage, that most other people not only don’t approve but find it disgusting and mockable. To give the argument that a child wouldn’t have a normal life is laughable. A child who gets passed around foster homes isn’t getting a normal life.

The thing that bothers me the most is that because I disagree with you, you think that I should just shut up and go away. If you’re allowed to voice your opinion (which, you surely are, in fact you are more than free to do so) than I am as well. I know that I won’t be able to help you understand and that’s in most part due to the fact that you immediately shut down when opposing information is introduced. I hope that you are headed off to college in the fall because not only is it a great experience, but you will be forced to stretch your horizons–an activity that they actually discourage in high school (which is such a shame).

I don’t know if you’re interested or not, but studies have yet to conclude that homosexuality is indeed genetic, as of yet, there is no “gay gene”. It’s not a criticism, just an observation. Also, you’re definition of homophobia is not complete, yes it does describe a fear of but also an aversion to and discrimination against homosexuals. So, yes, what you describe about being repulsed by gay people (“i personally do not like the lifestyle of gays and i think it is somewhat repulsive”) and that you would prefer them to not be around you (“as long as they’re not around me then fine”) is homophobia.”

And, did you know that the Xanga spell checker doesn’t recognize the words “gay” or “homosexual”? That’s weird.

“Your opinions make you nothing more than a pompous ass.”

“Well, says you.” he retorted. Yeah, he had good zingers just like that one. For a person so young, he thought he had the world figured out. It’s easy to have an opinion about something that hasn’t directly affected you. But what about those experiences that bring the world crashing down around you?

“I’m not going to have sex until I’m married,” it was something she proclaimed at least once a day. “That’s easy to say when you’re fourteen years old and don’t have a boyfriend.” and at that, everyone around would laugh. The intentions were innocent enough, but we all know where intentions lead.

There are a great many things which I do not know. I will admit it freely. The beauty is, though, that while I am aware of the presence of things I don’t know, I don’t know which things I don’t know. Sure, off the top of my head I could name things like, tying a bow tie, that I don’t know, but that’s also something that I could learn very easily. Or not, just depending on skill, but the point is, I would learn the technique, so theoretically, it would be something I knew. But the most important things that I don’t know stem from the fact that I am completely unaware of their existence. Since, I know that bow ties exist then it is of course, not part of the things I don’t know that I don’t know list.

It is, precisely, of those things that I wish to learn. But I don’t even know where to begin. I think, this is why they talk of learning something new everyday. It’s not about completing some perfunctory task or learning the elemental properties of er, whatever but about completely challenging the horizons of the comfortable world in which you subsist.

And this, this is why acceptance is needed. Just ask any ignoramus.

Sometimes I feel like I have an abundance of myself to give to the Xanga world, and other times, such as now, I feel like there isn’t enough of me to go around.

All seriousness aside, what is it about Otter Pops that are so good?

Seriously.

I seem to be sleeping better at night. Thanks in part to the addition of melatonin in my system and of course, the fact that I have to get up really early some days. Luckily, I don’t have any opening shifts this week, so there is no need to get up at an ungodly hour. Though, if you ask me, all hours of the day are Godly or not. I don’t think the time can just pick and choose at will.

My husband, good for him, has secured a job with Alltel so by the end of this week he should no longer be making fries and burgers. I’m happy because it means better opportunities. I’m not so happy that the job is in Scottsdale.

Lately, I just haven’t had the energy for Xanga. I used to be on here morning, noon, and night but I’ve been trying to distract myself with actual reality. It’s less entertaining but altogether more meaningful, I think. Plus, I know I’ll have plenty of time later when my daughter decides that I’m not the coolest or funnest person to hang out with.

Alas, the end.

i know that like, a bunch of time and space has elapsed since last i wrote, but i’m going to act like it was yesterday. because, i don’t really have the words to recap the last month or so. and so, in moving forward, we stretch and mold ourselves into different people. we are constantly growing and (hopefully) learning about ourselves and the world around us. this is not an easy process, in fact, saying that it is the complete opposite would be an understatement.

my daughter is two. i am blown away by how rapidly she is developing and yet completely heartbroken at having lost my baby. her birthday party is this sunday and i hope i don’t get emotional.

i have gone back to work. nothing too exciting, i’m working in a safeway starbucks and have just realized how completely inept i am at even remembering what the people are ordering. though, the term ‘starbuck’ refers to a coffee-loving character in melville’s moby dick. who knew?

our much anticipated economic stimulus check arrived just in time to pay our bills. i don’t know how much it helped the economy but it did help me.

times are hard. it’s hard to feel your heart breaking and not now how to mend it.

If you haven’t read ABF’s blog entitled New Feature Proposal you should probably head over there and do so, now.

I’ve heard rumors that there are changes in the works concerning how content gets featured and I think that’s great. I think that most of can agree that it needs an overhaul. I just wanted to throw in my two cents, because well, it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to, and see what you thought. Or, I could be totally honest and tell you that I don’t really care but I thought I would ask out of politeness because I’m really scared of Judith Martin.

If featured content were to be influenced by “recommends” (and I’m not saying it should or shouldn’t be), I think that there should be a way of un-recommending or condemning (as you will) posts. You can choose to leave a comment with no eprops and you can choose to give only one star to a post but when it comes to recommends, there is no negative feedback. Now, I have thought about that. You know when you tell someone, “oh, don’t look now” that the very first thing they are going to do is turn around and full on gape (you know, with mouth wide open) at whatever you were referring to. So, you can’t expect the system to work that way.

lesannejenk didn’t recommend fullmetalbunny’s post: Rumble in the McDonald’s, which i totally did, you can go check for yourself.

You know, to be honest, this post has gone an entirely different way that I thought it would. And now I can understand the dilemma when it comes to “selecting the right content”. So, thank you Xanga Team for doing your best. You can’t make everyone happy but it does seem like you guys are trying.

how about, “I Wasted My Life on Xanga and all I got was this Stupid Book.”

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!