April 5, 2008

• the science of elocution

  As much as I like to complain about how everyone seems to be a big dee these days, and believe me, I do like complaining about that, I have to admit that there truly are signs of intelligent life on the internet. And it isn’t just quasi-intellectual bull about sexual politics or organized religion but instead pure writing genius that is rife with metaphors and allusions that I can’t even begin to imagine.

  That’s when I realize I’m one of the dee-de-dees who doesn’t have much going for her in the brain cell department.

  One of the things I do to cheer myself up after I realize that I’m dumb is I think about all the people who are dumber than I am. And I could go on to say a whole bunch of clever things here like, “I’m smarter than G. Dubya because I don’t make up words and I got a higher SAT score,” but he did manage to get elected. TWICE. That counts for something.

  Rarely do I think of all the things I do have going for me, because quite frankly, the things I did have got going long ago. And I can’t even say that I’m old and I’ve lived a full and happy life. Because I’m 22. I try to keep it positive though and not think that I peeked, so to say, when I was 19 but I am just going through a minor downward trend. Read, I got knocked up and am now a slave to the incessant, shrieking cries of a mercurial dictator, otherwise known as my two-year-old.

  It’s never truer than when it’s written in the mud, ignorance is bliss and you’re not as smart as you think you are. In less of course, you know 15 different ways to insult someone without ever tipping them off to the fact that you are indeed calling them an idiot.

  • 11:23 pm
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