I agree with most of what this post says. And that may shock most people who read this considering that I am 23 and have been married for the better part of three years. I’m not going to even think that my reasons for getting married are different, because I know a lot of people who have been/are/will be in the same situation. I had a baby at 20. Call her a love child, because I didn’t get married until two months after she was born. I was hoping that in waiting until after I gave birth, people wouldn’t assume that was the only reason we got hitched. Maybe I should have waited longer, but I really couldn’t conceive of it. Haha.
Yep, I’m really young, younger than Char. I never planned on getting married so young. I would advise most people to wait, there is nothing wrong with dating for a while. Getting married really changes everything about your life, as you no longer can only put yourself first. It’s nice to be a kid for a while and explore life. However, this isn’t to say that I think young marriages are doomed. Obviously.
Divorce rates are high. I know nothing about those rates as compared between couples in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on. I would agree that the older you get, the more you realize what you would really like out of life. And I think that would significantly contribute to making a marriage more successful, but age isn’t a deal-breaker. To be honest, I think that there are people in this world who want to be married multiple times. My grandmother was married three times, I have no idea why, but she was. If you and your partner are committed to making your marriage work, then odds are in your favor.
I don’t think you should live with your partner before getting married, especially in your 20s. Now, I did it myself, but I was pregnant at the time, and that really changed things. The minute I knew we were having a baby (and probably before that, honestly), we were committed. It really wasn’t a casual thing by any means. I don’t know how much fact is behind this, but I always heard that people who lived together before they got married ended up getting divorced. Well, not all of them, but enough.
I do believe in marriage. I think it’s a pretty good thing. Now, whether or not it’s some sort of conspiracy put on by both church and state, I will never know. If you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, why not make it binding, legal, and most of all public? If you don’t want to have your marriage legalized, that’s fine too. I’m sure there are a lot of gay and lesbian couples that would like to be legally married, but can’t, and that’s a real shame because the decision to be with someone for as long as you both shall live is a mighty one and it should be celebrated no matter who you love. This isn’t to say that marriages aren’t difficult, they certainly are. They aren’t fairy tales. Weddings are the stuff that dreams are made of, but unfortunately, marriages are not. It’s hard work and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Being with the same person for the rest of your life is not a death sentence. Sure, you’ll get sick of each other. Maybe you’ll want to run away screaming, but that’s okay, because I’m pretty sure that your spouse will want to do the same thing at one point or another. People get annoyed, frustrated, angry, sad. It’s part of what makes us human, we have emotions. And they are wonderful, they should be felt and expressed and most of all, not kept bottled up. But no matter how many times you fight, how loud you scream at each other, do not, and I stress this point, DO NOT THROW THINGS AT YOUR PARTNER. He will get mad and throw whatever-it-was off the balcony. And then he will go and get it. But marriage is about celebrating the union between two people. It’s about growing, sharing, and learning together. You become different people over the days, months, years but it’s a good thing. At the end of the day, I want to come home to my husband, no matter how annoying he gets (or how annoying he finds me). We have so much ahead of us and I can’t imagine tackling these next few years without him. And when we’re old I want to sit around reminiscing about our life.
Yes, my parents have been married for 30 years. They got married when my mom (at 19) was pregnant. Guess it runs in the family, but in all seriousness, they hated each other for a while. Well, I exaggerate, but they used to fight all the time. I’ve heard that the number one reason why people fight (and subsequently get divorced) is money. And boy, did my parents have their share of money problems. I really thought they would get divorced, but they worked it out. And I’m so glad they did, though I’m pretty sure they didn’t stay together because divorce wasn’t as common as it is today.
I don’t know if you’re supposed to be in a number of relationships in your life. I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart, but I didn’t have many boyfriends before I got married either. I sometimes wonder if I missed out on anything, but it doesn’t make me want to go looking for it. I’ve enjoyed watching Sex and the City over the years, but it never hit home with me. While I realize that not everyone is like me, I feel like each time you date someone new, though you have the initial excitement, you’re starting over again. You start from the beginning, and it takes time to get to know each other. It’s nice that I already know so much about my husband, though I wouldn’t even begin to imagine that I know everything. I like that he knows me, and I don’t have to act with him.
I don’t think I believe in “the one” either. I never in a million years thought that I would end up marrying who I did. But that’s how life works. It constantly surprises you. I believe in love. Love is probably one of the most powerful forces in this world but it is not enough to save your marriage. You have to work at it. It’s a constant struggle. Marriage is difficult, as I said before. I really think that’s the real reason for such high divorce rates, because people get in to something without realizing what it entails. I don’t mean to scare anyone off, it’s not exactly some insurmountable feat and love definitely is a key ingredient. You will have good times, you will laugh together, share romantic dates, make love and lasting memories. The biggest thing is that it’s all up to you and your spouse.
I think real love is knowing that you will go through hell and back, just to be with him for the rest of your life. And if you can face up to that challenge, then your marriage will be a good one.