November 15, 2009

  • Fair to say…

    I tend to sit here and stare at the blank screen for a while before I can begin to write. I usually want to say something, but have no idea what to say, so I opt instead to talk about everything and nothing. That probably sums me up well, someone who says everything and nothing at all.

    My point is that I would like for my posts to have some sort of organized, coherent point, but that never really ends up happening. Interestingly enough, that sums up my life pretty well. It usually goes well past the opposite of whatever I thought might happen.

    I’ve noticed that within the last two years or so, many of my peers have gotten married. This is an eye opener for me, only because my “decision” to get married was so different than theirs have been so far. I actually like to look at their wedding photos and hear about their “big day.” I’m fascinated with people, especially those that are so hopelessly traditional.

    I’ve been married for over three years now (hooray!). And yes, that did not happen like I thought, or maybe dreamed, it would. While first dating my husband, my whole family and even psychologist told me to break it off. He was going through some deeply troubling issues, which had nothing to do with me, except for the fact that I was there. I don’t blame him, or resent him, for the way he treated me. I took it, and just kept coming back for more. It was my decision, though I can’t say to what extent the psychotropic drugs were pushing me to make irrational decisions, but I knew what I was doing, even if no one else (including my husband) could understand.

    It was strange how quickly we became close, as if it happened over night (is that one word?). In the beginning, he tried to stay emotionally detached from me but it was incredible how rapidly that turned around.

    If I had dated more, it would have become very obvious that I am a chaser. There is no bigger prize for me than to earn someone’s affection and adoration but then the game is over. I was then the one who tried to detach. But I’m also passive-aggresive about it, you know, as in the girl who suddenly becomes a bitch to be around in the hopes that you will stop wanting to be around her. And wouldn’t you know? As I stood by him, he never left my side.

    At first site, ours doesn’t seem like a whirlwind romance. Maybe it wasn’t, I don’t really look at it that way. I could never let go of him, and it’s even more true than before. My heart wouldn’t just break, pieces of it would be lost forever. I know he knows this. A tremendous part of me wants the world to know it as well. I really need to stop being so afraid to let my colors show. I was unabashedly myself once, maybe I can retrieve that.

September 3, 2009

  • I would just like to say that when I see “ED”, all I can think about is Erectile Dysfunction and not Eating Disorder. So, you can see how it would be very distracting to read a post about anorexia that is riddled with the abbreviation “ED”. And, it makes me giggle. I read Kate from Heathkicker’s post about how she thinks everyone hates anorexic girls and at the end she writes,

    “But I don’t make fun of gay people, minorities, disabled people, and people with diseases just because I don’t understand them. I don’t make fun of them, period! I treat them with respect, because everyone deserves that, even people with EDs.”

    And I would just like to say that gay people and minorities aren’t disabled or diseased. I know the point she’s trying to make, but it doesn’t really come across the way she intends.

March 10, 2009

  • A Response to “why i don’t want to get married”

    I agree with most of what this post says. And that may shock most people who read this considering that I am 23 and have been married for the better part of three years. I’m not going to even think that my reasons for getting married are different, because I know a lot of people who have been/are/will be in the same situation. I had a baby at 20. Call her a love child, because I didn’t get married until two months after she was born. I was hoping that in waiting until after I gave birth, people wouldn’t assume that was the only reason we got hitched. Maybe I should have waited longer, but I really couldn’t conceive of it. Haha.

    Yep, I’m really young, younger than Char. I never planned on getting married so young. I would advise most people to wait, there is nothing wrong with dating for a while. Getting married really changes everything about your life, as you no longer can only put yourself first. It’s nice to be a kid for a while and explore life. However, this isn’t to say that I think young marriages are doomed. Obviously.

    Divorce rates are high. I know nothing about those rates as compared between couples in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and so on. I would agree that the older you get, the more you realize what you would really like out of life. And I think that would significantly contribute to making a marriage more successful, but age isn’t a deal-breaker. To be honest, I think that there are people in this world who want to be married multiple times. My grandmother was married three times, I have no idea why, but she was. If you and your partner are committed to making your marriage work, then odds are in your favor.

    I don’t think you should live with your partner before getting married, especially in your 20s. Now, I did it myself, but I was pregnant at the time, and that really changed things. The minute I knew we were having a baby (and probably before that, honestly), we were committed. It really wasn’t a casual thing by any means. I don’t know how much fact is behind this, but I always heard that people who lived together before they got married ended up getting divorced. Well, not all of them, but enough.

    I do believe in marriage. I think it’s a pretty good thing. Now, whether or not it’s some sort of conspiracy put on by both church and state, I will never know. If you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, why not make it binding, legal, and most of all public? If you don’t want to have your marriage legalized, that’s fine too. I’m sure there are a lot of gay and lesbian couples that would like to be legally married, but can’t, and that’s a real shame because the decision to be with someone for as long as you both shall live is a mighty one and it should be celebrated no matter who you love. This isn’t to say that marriages aren’t difficult, they certainly are. They aren’t fairy tales. Weddings are the stuff that dreams are made of, but unfortunately, marriages are not. It’s hard work and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

    Being with the same person for the rest of your life is not a death sentence. Sure, you’ll get sick of each other. Maybe you’ll want to run away screaming, but that’s okay, because I’m pretty sure that your spouse will want to do the same thing at one point or another. People get annoyed, frustrated, angry, sad. It’s part of what makes us human, we have emotions. And they are wonderful, they should be felt and expressed and most of all, not kept bottled up. But no matter how many times you fight, how loud you scream at each other, do not, and I stress this point, DO NOT THROW THINGS AT YOUR PARTNER. He will get mad and throw whatever-it-was off the balcony. And then he will go and get it. But marriage is about celebrating the union between two people. It’s about growing, sharing, and learning together. You become different people over the days, months, years but it’s a good thing. At the end of the day, I want to come home to my husband, no matter how annoying he gets (or how annoying he finds me). We have so much ahead of us and I can’t imagine tackling these next few years without him. And when we’re old I want to sit around reminiscing about our life.

    Yes, my parents have been married for 30 years. They got married when my mom (at 19) was pregnant. Guess it runs in the family, but in all seriousness, they hated each other for a while. Well, I exaggerate, but they used to fight all the time. I’ve heard that the number one reason why people fight (and subsequently get divorced) is money. And boy, did my parents have their share of money problems. I really thought they would get divorced, but they worked it out. And I’m so glad they did, though I’m pretty sure they didn’t stay together because divorce wasn’t as common as it is today.

    I don’t know if you’re supposed to be in a number of relationships in your life. I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart, but I didn’t have many boyfriends before I got married either. I sometimes wonder if I missed out on anything, but it doesn’t make me want to go looking for it. I’ve enjoyed watching Sex and the City over the years, but it never hit home with me. While I realize that not everyone is like me, I feel like each time you date someone new, though you have the initial excitement, you’re starting over again. You start from the beginning, and it takes time to get to know each other. It’s nice that I already know so much about my husband, though I wouldn’t even begin to imagine that I know everything. I like that he knows me, and I don’t have to act with him.

    I don’t think I believe in “the one” either. I never in a million years thought that I would end up marrying who I did. But that’s how life works. It constantly surprises you. I believe in love. Love is probably one of the most powerful forces in this world but it is not enough to save your marriage. You have to work at it. It’s a constant struggle. Marriage is difficult, as I said before. I really think that’s the real reason for such high divorce rates, because people get in to something without realizing what it entails. I don’t mean to scare anyone off, it’s not exactly some insurmountable feat and love definitely is a key ingredient. You will have good times, you will laugh together, share romantic dates, make love and lasting memories. The biggest thing is that it’s all up to you and your spouse.

    I think real love is knowing that you will go through hell and back, just to be with him for the rest of your life. And if you can face up to that challenge, then your marriage will be a good one.

March 2, 2009

  • I know we all read these a little too often, but…

    Yes, I am about to complain about something. But listen, it’s for your own benefit, and, it goes without saying (although I will anyway), mine.

    When I’m at work, I’m constantly frustrated by the amount of people that forget I’m a human being. So many people walk up to me and without so much as blinking at me start to say, “I need a …” That’s all well and good, but as I’m selling coffee, you don’t need any of it. You could say that I need these people to buy it, so I can come to work and get paid, you know, perpetuate the cycle and so forth, but no, you do not need that triple venti vanilla nonfat latte.

    When I see someone approaching, I smile and say, “hello, how are you?” or perhaps, “hi, what can I get started for you?” And there are always the people who can’t spare the extra 30 seconds to say, “I’m doing well, and you?” I love when I actually have customers that are easygoing and that will talk with you about their day or the weather or whatever else pops into our heads.

    I actually like what I do, and you may wonder why, because as far as you’re concerned, there is no real motivation for me to get up at 3:45 in the morning and be verbally bitch slapped by a bunch of strangers. I don’t have any benefits, I don’t get paid especially well, and the only time someone actually notices my work is when it’s not good enough. But I like coffee, so I do what I do. But I would really like it if our customers could remember just a few things when they come it to get their caffeine fix, and those would be the following:

    I am a person, not a mindless drone that needs to be told what to do.
    I am not dumb, when I ask you to repeat yourself, it’s because I didn’t hear you, not because I don’t understand what a soy cappuccino is.
    I am specially trained and certified to make the beverage you request, so please don’t tell me how to do it.
    I do make mistakes, I apologize for and fix them, and it just goes to show I’m human, not that I’m lazy, dumb, ignorant, or just trying to spite you.
    If you are late, it’s not my fault. We always want to get your drink to you as quickly as possible, but if there is a line, and there are 4, 5 people ahead, they will get their drinks first. Please don’t tell me to hurry up.
    Please don’t just take the first drink that pops up on the counter, it may not be yours. We call out the drink and the name, so pay attention to that. And you can always ask us.
    I love interacting with you, but I do have other customers that need my attention.
    One last thing, I work in a coffee kiosk. I don’t just do it to pass the time, so please, try not to complain to me about how high your tax bracket is and that $250,000 is not a lot of money. It’s just a little tacky.

    And still, I get up and smile while the coffee brews because that’s what it’s about. Ultimately, that’s why we do it, because coffee is most of what is good in this world.

February 2, 2009

  • Stimulate my Economy, Please!

    I have to admit, I really don’t know much about proposed economic stimulus plans. I’ve been trying to catch up, so I went directly to the source (and by that, I mean to see what the deal was. Well, apparently the Prez and Veep are going to directly inject (oh I hope it won’t hurt) $75 billion into the economy in the form of tax cuts and direct spending. The article I read wasn’t exactly specific, and since I’m not really in the mood, I didn’t dig any further. Now, this is not my blog that tries to subtly say, “I hate the president.” I don’t. I’m reserving judgment, since, well, nothing has really happened yet (and this isn’t one of those questionably subtle digs). What I don’t understand is how $75 billion in tax cuts for working families and seniors is going to boost our economy. I understand living paycheck to paycheck and I understand that a lot of families are not able to do so because of unemployment, rising medical costs, tuition payments, etc. But how does a $250 tax cut make that possible? This isn’t really money back into the pocket of the working family, it’s money they didn’t have in the first place, and money they still won’t have even after the cut. We are in debt. We are losing our jobs, our houses. We’re struggling to put dinner on the table.

    Okay, so a tax cut means that an individual, or family, will owe less money to the government. Okay, that sounds good. Well, most of us have money removed from our paychecks each pay period to account for those taxes. So, this means less money is taken from the paycheck and more goes home with us. Pretty simplistic, I know, bear with me, I’ve never taken economics, though now I know I should. Okay, so I’m assuming the $250 tax cut is just a one shot deal, meaning that over the course of a year, whatever we might owe the government in income taxes is now reduced by $250. I get paid weekly, which turns out to be $4.80 less each week that I would owe the government, or $20.83 a month. I can buy a tank of gas for that much, will that be enough to stimulate our economy? Wikipedia tells me that the idea behind a tax cut is to have taxpayers spend money on commodities sourced from within the country. Is one more tank of gas enough to do it? In all likelihood, I don’t need that extra tank of gas anyway. But let’s go back to the working families and individuals who are going into debt because they can’t pay their bills between paychecks. Is that $21 a month enough to help them make ends meet?

    I really hope that I’m missing something. I don’t pretend to be an expert. I have no idea how to fix our economy. But what I do know is that when our economy wasn’t quite the downer it is now, credit was extended to those that had no business taking it, mostly in the form of home loans. These people, however hard working they might have been, didn’t have the capital to support the purchase. They couldn’t make the payments and the banks suffered. Our “American Dream” backfired. We are driven by so much consumerism that it blinds us. Where is it written that we need to own a home? I’m obviously failing at life because besides not being able to afford one, I don’t want to have my own house right now. Nothing to do with the market, but there is a lot of responsibility that goes in to owning a house, and that means a lot of money. Roofs leak and get blown off in hurricanes, pipes explode, termites invade, foundations crumble, whatever, the point is, you’re liable for it. I know I can’t handle that right now, so I stay away.

    Why do we go out of our way to spend money that we don’t have?

January 19, 2009

  • Turn it around, we all need somebody.

    I’m not happy with life right now, personally, professionally, morally… Obviously, my own little slice of undetermined happiness is what concerns me the most, but on a national scale, I can’t say that I’m all that thrilled. Am I bothered by the impending inauguration? Not really, it’s too cliche to be concerned about a black man condemning all of us to third-world hell (which, I’m pretty sure “third-world” is not PC anymore). I’m happy that we are seeing the end of one political era and moving into another that has the promise of liberal revolution. Not that it will be on par with any revolution since, the seventies, but in a way, it will do us good. Any time we’ve suffered economic downturns coupled with epic losses on the feel-good scale, we’ve opted to switch political camps and pull as far away from the nasty right or left wing regime that brought us there. History repeats itself, sometimes we learn.

    When money hits us hard upside the head, we hit back, and usually with major losses in the morality department. Suddenly, it’s a dog-eat-dog world where we would stick a knife in our lover’s back if it means just a little more security.

    What am I saying? That we should think about someone other than ourselves. And I don’t mean because we’ve been spun heartbreaking sob stories about personal loss and needing enough money to pay the bills. In this era, we are predominately middle-class. We all have bills to pay. We all suffer through loss and desolation. We should open our hearts and not worry about what we stand to gain. That always seems to be a gigantic motivator, doesn’t it? When was the last time we put personal gain out of our realm of consciousness?

    I’m not talking about charity. I’m talking about empathy. Ask someone how they are doing and actually care about the answer. Sometimes, you really can affect a stranger’s life by showing an interest, even if only for five minutes. We are not going to turn our problems around by trying to save our own necks. We make matters worse, we alienate people, we turn nasty and scrooge-like. I risk falling off my soapbox here any minute, so I will quietly fade into the background. All I’m suggesting is a return of the conscience. Let it be your guide.

October 16, 2008

  • Mid-America

    I’m sitting here in the passenger seat of my mother’s Toyota Camry, some 100 miles outside of Colby, KS. So far, it’s been an interesting trip. I’ve been to at least a dozen different Starbucks and am ashamed to even think about how much caffeine I’ve consumed in the last few days. Hell, I had two (yes, one, 2) iced quad grande americanos today. And I was disappointed when I didn’t feel a thing. I have a sinus infection and the whole right side of my face hurts, not to mention the strange colors I’ve been seeing in my tissues after blowing my nose. Not that you wanted to know, but seriously it feels like some of my teeth are going to fall out. If only that would make me feel better. I have to say that I’m so grateful for my Blackberry, without it I would surely lose my mind. So far, we’ve been through Dayton, Indianapolis, St. Louis (which I drove through last time with my husband) and now I’ve seen Kansas City and Topeka – I was tempted to go and see the Brown v Board historical sight. You know, just for funsies. There are a whole bunch of other cities, but seriously, I forget pretty easily. I’m trying to think if we saw anything note-worthy in Illnois, but I don’t know that we even stopped there either time. I have to say that Kansas has been a lot more enjoyable to drive through than Oklahoma. I had wanted to go south from Cinnci and drive through Louisville (lu-ah-vull) but my mother likes to ruin all my fun. I’m hoping to stop and see the Grand Canyon before we make it home. I haven’t been there in years and it really is amazing. Before I run rampant with my thought train, I will end here and save some for later, when I will undoubtedly be lacking in inspiration. Maybe I will take it easy on the caffeine, but then again, maybe not. Take it easy.

September 10, 2008

  • Why do you think teenagers are becoming sexually active at such a young age today?

    Because it’s really, really, really fun. And seriously, why should you wait? There’s absolutely no bad consequences what-so-ever and people will really respect you the more you do it and the more people you do it with. Just think, if we were all making love, we couldn’t be making any war. People wouldn’t be doing drugs, or stealing things, or hurting people (only if the other person asked for it, some like it rough). So really, go to Costco, buy the economy pack of condoms and get to getting. Also, babies are really cute and require almost no care at all. They practically take care of themselves! The world needs more babies! What better way to resolve a dispute with someone? I’m dead serious. Let’s all go and have sex. It makes you a better person. And it helps you get into college.


    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

August 24, 2008

August 18, 2008

  • getting around… and around

    I’ve been meaning to post for a while now, but I’ve been too lazy to actually do it. That, or I have been pretty distracted. There are a couple things I want to say before I move on to the real thing I was going to put on here, first, exactly how lame is it that the Xanga Frontpage blocked out the word penis? Um, hello, penis is not a dirty word. Though, maybe it was done for other reasons, such as they could only imagine what sort of google ads would pop up with the word penis on the page. That would be entertainment. Now I’m really sorry that they decided to star out the word. But seriously, are we a community of 12-year old girls that giggle uncontrollably at the mention of genitalia?

    The other thing is this link: YAWNS. It’s a story about modest millionaires in their 20s and 30s. It’s really inspiring and refreshing, it’s an attitude that has not been embraced or exulted recently.

    Now, on to the main event. Last week I was feeling a little beaten down so I decided to indulge in some good ole fashion coloring with my two-year old and here are the results.

    This first one is me helping a customer that wants to order a “triple-venti half-caff soy sugar-free vanilla extra caramel macchiato” and I kindly tell her, “That will be $900 please, unless you’d like a pastry?”

    This is my boss yelling at me. I won’t write out everything it says but basically she yells at me for everything and then precedes to do it herself and if we’re working together, she will always kick me off the espresso bar. Uh, hello I think I know how to make a damn latte.

    That day I had a horrible headache (probably caffeine withdrawals) and this was how I thought the inside of my head looked.

    I didn’t actually color this one that day, but I like it because my daughter has these crayons that are Crayola True to Life, so there are like three colors in one crayon and I love to draw with them.

    Sometimes, it’s just nice to experience life simply, like a toddler. It’s so good to be a kid but you don’t realize it until you’re way too old. And now I’m pissed off that the spell checker doesn’t recognize the word penis. What kind of world are we living in? What are we supposed to call it? A wee-wee?