so far the highlight of my day has been logging into my bank account and realizing i had more money than i thought.
until i saw that my rent check had been returned. that was awesome. i was really upset when i first saw it but i’ve gotten over it. it’s not that i don’t have the money it’s just the inconvenience that it causes me. i don’t know if the management company will try to cash it again, if they do, it will go through but if they simply return it to me i have to go get a cashier’s check for rent plus a late fee and a returned check fee. so, if that is the case, my rent will be very expensive this month. i haven’t overdrafted my account or bounced a check in forever — of course it has to happen in december. all bad things happen to you around the holidays. if i was a very paranoid person, from halloween to epiphany, i would never leave my house. but then it would probably get struck by lightning and burn down. go figure.
i guess it never pays to be afraid of your own shadow.
if i could have anything at all for christmas, i would get a hybrid vehicle. we only have one car as it is, so another one would be nice, one that’s a little bigger but isn’t a land barge. i would go for either the camry hybrid or the malibu. i think the camry actually gets better mileage but the malibu has on-star. either way, it’s still completely hypothetical.
i am, however, going to buy a ticket for the georgia lottery. odds of winning are 1 in 125,000 and i feel like i’ve been so unlucky lately that it’s my time for once. well, knock on wood–i don’t want to jinx myself!
for the last eighteen months, i have been a full-time mom for my daughter. there absolutely have been ups and downs but i have enjoyed every minute of it. now, however, it is time for me to leave the home and either get a job or go back to school. i think that my husband and i are going to sign a six-month lease meaning we wouldn’t be leaving here until the end of august and if we could go live with my parents in toronto, i would go back to school over getting a job. in the long run, i know i could make more money with a degree than working full-time without one.
the hard part about life-changing decisions is not actually the decisions themselves but the waiting and the pondering and the should-i-shouldn’t-i stage of the process.
it isn’t growing up that’s the problem.
lately, i have been completely exhausted. utterly drained from head to toe, physically and mentally. my batteries need a spark or two but i can’t find the damn charger…
anyway, there isn’t much on the agenda for today, well tonight. we’re having yummy pasta and garlic bread for dinner and then it gets really exciting… i’m getting a shower!! can you tell how excited i am? how sad is that? when you look forward just to getting a shower, you know your life is glamorous.
so there are what, nineteen days left until christmas? i know i’m not ready yet. i still have presents to buy and i’m still wondering if i should even go to the trouble of wrapping them. i know gigi won’t have any idea what to do with wrapped presents, but still. who knows?
i wish it would snow.
and now my dog is trying to bury my daughter’s animal crackers around the house. that’s probably my cue. so goodnight and good luck until next we meet.
i’ve bought all my groceries for thursday. and as soon as dinner’s over i’m ready to hang some twinkle lights. you know what i’d really like for christmas? if santa were real, i’d ask him to erase all my debts. oh, and i need a special cable to hook up my sony handycam to my new imac in order to use idvd. the cable is only $40.
the debts, well that’s a different story.
sometimes i feel like i’d really like to start over. isn’t waking up each morning a fresh chance to start over? why must we wait until a more appropriate time to “start over.” whether it’s waiting till monday, or new year’s, or even until school ends for the summer, it seems like we are all just waiting around.
but why wait to live our lives? every second, there is a fresh opportunity to rebuild, recycle, reuse, reinvent, and to remember why it’s important to constantly want to better ourselves, our environment, our world.
i will be the first to admit that as individuals, there is very little that we can influence. i would even argue that in cases, there is little that as a collective we cannot change.
but if each one of us surrenders to the belief that we have no efficacy, we are done.
and this is where my crusade against mediocrity comes in to play, if no one had the gall to dream that he could change the world, where would we be?
and so, in the spirit of thanksgiving, i would like say that i am most thankful for how far advances in medical technology have brought us. there is more than one person that i completely adore alive today due in no small part to those who refuse to stop asking questions.
so there it is, laid out for all the world to see. and for once, i haven’t held back. for this thanksgiving and holiday season, i pray that you all are safe, happy, and around those who you love.
for the past three or four days, i have had the absolute worst headaches. tell me what you’re supposed to do when otc drugs just won’t cut it.
i’m so tired and i haven’t been sleeping well. i need a new bed.
lately i’ve just felt that i’m somehow less of a person than i used to be. i don’t think i’ve ever felt so conflicted about what i want.
we’re all defined by our experiences, i just think that there are a few that i could live without.
you know, i truly believe that what doesn’t kill, definitely does not make you stronger.
this is not my most productive hour. nor my most coherent.
is something really better than nothing?
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