April 29, 2008
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What would be a legitimate reason to break up with your significant other?
I’ve been thinking about this question all night and now, this morning. There are a lot of answers to this question and some seem well meaning enough but are so characteristically naive. I’m glad there are people who take marriage seriously and I do realize that in the Bible it does say that the Lord God hates divorce. Of course there are the OBVIOUS reasons why I do hope someone would divorce their spouse. For instance, in the cases of abuse and adultery. But those aren’t the only reasons why you should get divorced. What if your spouse like to torture small animals? How about if your spouse gets the hots for 14 year old girls?
I don’t think that happens very often and well, I was using those as over-the-top examples on purpose. No one is perfect. I’ve heard people say that if you “fall out of love” with your spouse, why the heck did you get married in the first place? Sometimes, people get married for the wrong reasons. I don’t think that every issue can be worked out just so you can stay married. I think that people are willing to stay in marriages just so they don’t get branded ‘DIVORCED’. That’s just as stupid as actually getting divorced because you want a younger, better looking spouse.
I’m married. It’s been almost two years now, so I am by no means an expert on marriage. But, I don’t parade myself around as one either. I will tell you this, when it comes to marriage, if both parties aren’t willing to give 100% of themselves to their spouse, there is no way to “save” the relationship. However well meaning your spouse may be, if he cannot give all that he has to you then what kind of marriage do you have anyway?
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Comments (17)
this is a good answer and I agree completely!
/applauds you
true true
Well yes. That’s what I ment. If both of you didn’t want to be in the relationship, whats the point? It’s one sided. That is no fun.
I like your answer too. =) I have also been married for a little over two years.
I’m neither married nor do I claim to be an expert in marriage, but I agree- if you or your spouse is not willing to give 100% in the marriage, it’s not going to work out. However, if you both respect each other enough in order to give 100% in the marriage, then it will. There’s no point in staying in an unhappy marriage, but there’s no point in marrying somebody if you’re not willing to give 100% to work things out.
Very well said.
In response to what you posted using the example of giving someone space, I think that is an issue that can be mutually resolved. I was married for almost 8 years, and at first, my wife didn’t understand that I wanted my own space. So, I ended up taking one room in the house and making it “mine”. If I wanted to be left alone, then I went in there. It was my own special place. Then the time that we spent together was better cause I had my own time too. So if giving space is an issue, I think that is something that can be resolved.
I also think that each relationship is so unique and has its own problems and issues to deal with that there is no one “perfect” way to have a relationship. Some issues in relationships are no big deal where in another, they may be deal breakers. But I think that before ending a relationship that all options to try and salvage the relationship should be explored first. After that, if things just aren’t working, then that would be another legitimate reason to end a relationship.
I also think in a romantic relationship that there has to be more going on between the two people than each other. I have always encouraged my significant others to have their own time, spend time with friends, or do their own thing, along with spending time with me.
YES I agree with this 100%. Someone once told me that marriage is like a job – you have to work at it every day and night in order to make it work. If you or your spouse stop working, it’s hard to keep it together. I am also married a little under 2 years, and I’ve found the harder I work at my relationship, the better it can be.
I do think that people can change though, and sometime people really do “fall out of love” or grow apart. There are a number of reasons for this, but the best you can do for yourself is just keep communication open.
@bjlind718 - well put. sometimes in a relationship, there is so much focus on the “couple” that people can easily lose parts of themselves.
sometimes i just like to argue with people. i feel like these questions are a trap because no matter what you say, you can never fully express how you feel. you’re so right that each relationship is unique. i guess i just don’t like the word legitimate because it has more to do with other people thinking it’s okay for you to break-up/divorce than for you to know that it’s okay.
@Ultra_Bright - exactly. people change everyday, maybe a little, maybe a lot. but after five, ten years, you’re no longer married to the same person and vice versa. change is neither a good or bad thing, it’s all relative. so, while we romanticize relationships and marriage in general, it’s never as pretty as it looks on tv.
Good Post
i agree that for most people that makes sense. It wouldn’t be out of some sort of legality to a religious belief or anything like that. It’s more of a completely selfless love that i have for my wife that there is nothing she could do that would make me want to leave. I mean, if she wanted it to be over, id let her leave, im not a clingy weird stalker type. Its more that Marriage is a symbol of Christ’s love for the church. And as a part of the church i know how much we abuse and degrade and misuse and commit adultery in our relationship with him. Yet for some reason his love is so big that he still loves us and never leaves us. I am striving to be like Christ in my love for my wife. There is nothing she could do or say that would make me want to leave her. I personally will stay in my Marriage not for fear of DIVORCE stamps, but because i love my wife. Always have. Always will.
And i completely agree with everything you say. I think that there is a time and a place for marriages to end. my previous comment is completely a personal conviction for me and me alone.
Thanks for the comment you left on my reply to this featured question. I enjoyed reading your answer.
Thanks again.
Compromise and compassion.
You wanna be my friend
MeandYou1099 is my friend and you posted a comment on her web blog.
sorry your not “berry berry lame” i just liked the strawberry