April 10, 2008
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does stress eat away at your stomach lining?
i’m from phoenix. born and raised. love it there and am going back in a couple of weeks. this is posing so many problems that i don’t even know where to begin.
in february 2007, my husband and i packed up our baby, our puppy, and everything we owned into a penske rental truck and drove across country to athens, georgia. i hated it at first. i absolutely abhorred everything about the town. but we had a great apartment. a ridiculously great apartment, if i say so myself. and only now am i realizing how fucking fantastic it was. when our lease was up in february of this year, we decided not to stay because while we loved athens in the end, there were no career potentials for either me or the husband. wanting to save money, i thought it would be great if we moved in with my parents. one minor problem.
my parents live in canada. you can’t just up and move to canada and think you’re going to be able to get a job or go to school or really do anything other than look around and go the hell back home. i wish i had known this three months ago. actually, six months ago would have been nicer. so now, we’re living in my parents’ semi-basement with the few possessions we didn’t sell or give away (in boxes no less), completely skint, and having to face the reality of driving 2250 miles back to the city where i am originally from.
everything in this scenario is a major problem. we have a two-year-old and no money. we have no jobs and no money. we are struggling to find an affordable apartment (that isn’t the size of a closet), in a decent area, and for a decent rent and we have no money. we had to ask his dad to cosign on a (potential) apartment because we have no jobs and no money. he wants to go back to school and work part time but still, we have no money. can i emphasize enough how little money we do not have?
the biggest problem i’m facing here is that for the last two years, i’ve been a full-time mom and homemaker. it’s been really nice, i have loved everyday with my daughter. but i have horrible social anxiety (which is why i love the internet) and returning to a place of employment seems to be my impending doom. the worst part about that is my family doesn’t understand and they think i’m lazy. in fact, the other night my mother completely destroyed me in about a half an hour, telling me how ungrateful and inconsiderate i am.
before this post becomes rfl;ndtr (which is, btw, ridiculously fucking long; no desire to read) i will end saying that i know i can get through this. i understand that life is hard sometimes. but my point is i’m scared. i’m 22 and although i’ve “got my whole life ahead of me,” i can’t see much beyond tomorrow. and it doesn’t look there are any pony rides or barbie dolls in store for me.
thanks for listening (reading). if you have any encouraging words, i’d love to hear it.
Comments (14)
i know the feeling, i myswlf am a father of a 14 month old. its tough, i have very little money as well. though i am not faced with the same problems you are, i still feel for you.
Social anxiety is horrible.
It’s not the same thing as laziness. I know that.
^ said you were looking for readable blogs. For serious reading try Leonidas . He hasn’t been posting regularly lately, but he is very worth reading.
Change is always nerve wracking. I don’t like change and you are facing some major changes. Remember, what doesn’t kill us, will make us stronger. (Sorry, but that is the best I can do right now.)
Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
But if it’s of any consolation, let me tell you a brief story about my family. My father is a pastor, and we originally moved here from Brazil as missionaries. When the church he was building turned against him and shunned him away (because the community, all from the same town in brazil that we were not from) found they had a Pastor friend that needed a job, they screwed my dad.
We packed our bags from Long Island and moved to NJ. My mom had to stay home and take care of us while my dad found the only job available–at a warehouse, cleaning up, at $8/hr. He worked from 6am-11pm most days to try and make ends meet, supporting a family of four.
I don’t know how he did it, but somehow we pulled through. I don’t know, maybe it was the power of prayer. And I’m not so religious, but I do believe in prayer and faith a lot.
But for whatever it’s worth, you guys will make it through, hon.
yes mam, its me singing singing singing
Well one thing is before moving. You should had made any research on the area where you moved from
I am originally from California and we mad the worst mistake when my Dad was relocated to Illinois (Chicago) for the Army and well it was a misery at the begining
Now i live in Iowa and BEFORE we moved, we made a visit and research on Iowa and we got positive results that we moved here.
For jobs (i started working since 16 and i am now 18) take multiple aplications. not just one
and start with a basic job with minimal or decent pay and keep looking for another job that requires previous jobs. That has been the strategy in our family for years.
I know life is a pain in the ASS but we have to deal with it one way or another.
@hate_is_a_four_letter_word -
it’s hard not having money because you want to give your kid the best life has to offer. but what makes everything worthwhile to me is that my daughter doesn’t know i’m not a millionaire. she just loves me because i’m her mom.
@fullmetalbunny -
thanks for the fabulous mini of encouragement!
@DandelionBall -
thanks for the tip, i will definitely go over there today
@Ellegant -
wow, that’s an amazing story. your family so is wonderful!
@inflames190 -
that’s the beauty of hindsight, you always know what you should have done before you did it. since yesterday we actually have jobs and an apartment in the works, so you could say things are looking up for us. thanks!
We’re in the same boat. It’s hard but I’m a firm believer that what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger. Be thankful for the health and beauty of your family.
I’m an anxiety freak as well. I can’t even go to the grocery store alone most times! BAH!
tl;dr
no, kidding.
juat thought I’d stop by and say hello.
I only read the last part, because it really is a little “rfl;ndtr.” I think I know how you feel. I’m only 20 and I can’t see past tomorrow. And I’m sure you’ve been through the “Hey, maybe there is a pony ride and a barbie doll ahead!” followed by the “SLAP! No pony rides or barbie dolls, ever!”
Just stick it through; you’ll either see another ray of sunshine, or die before you see it. Either way you look at it, it’s better to keep on keepin’-on the way you’d like to keep-on!
. . . I really hope that made sense.
. . . And yes, I’ve gotten ulcers at the most stressful times of my life. And they go away after the stress goes away. PAINFUL, though!
To the social anxiety aspect.. As a person who spent 4 years locked away at home after dropping out of school and little to no social contact with anyone outside the internet.. The first moments out there with people are harsh. Seriously.. I felt so damn awkward around people. Online I could connect and talk and not worry. But after a year of going to classes day after day I adjusted to people and learned. It was hard and at times I was ready to retreat back to my cozy room.. but damnit.. I didn’t. Good luck with whatever you do. Just try not to freak, take it one day at a time.
You want to hear something freaking crazy??? I typed the whole comment on your girls pic BEFORE i read your april 14 post about being sad about not having money and taking care of your girl. How weird is that? Are we cosmically (sp?) connected or something? I am an auto mechanic in Memphis TN, with no gift of insight, I promise you. But the beauty part is, its all good, Life, that is. Wherever you go in life, people have similar pains, joys, needs, and talking to others might make the rough times a little smoother. At least I have hope that it does, and my kids are a little closer to your age than I am, but you will make it, with god’s help you will get to your new paradise in Phoenix! Dont be afraid to put yourself out there in the work world if you know you really need to. Just smile and be you, that will be enough for the right boss.
redheadedguy