August 28, 2007
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ortho tricyclen lo makes me really nauseous.
i haven’t been able to sleep normally, and i feel all messed up.
i don’t like assumptions, even those i make myself.
i am an angry driver. it’s from learning to drive in a large city full of moron drivers, ok, more like aggressive drivers.
it maybe be harder to become an ex-pat than i originally thought. seems like it’s easier to stay here. not that it’s what i want. we all know it’s not about what’s easy, because anything of value in this life is not easy to obtain.
i do love my daughter. i have put my life in order so that she may have the best things in life. of course i meet her basic needs, but it’s not about those. i’ve stayed up all night with her just to make sure she’s okay, i sing and read to her, play with her, try to inspire her imagination. i don’t believe there is a life for me that doesn’t involve her. that being said, i understand that she is more than just my daughter. she is a person in her own right and i try not to impose too many of my own beliefs on her. my parents always wanted me to express my individuality, never did they want to make me a miniature version of themselves.
i don’t believe that everything is about myself. i don’t even want it to be that way, i like being a nurturer to my child and to my husband as well. i understand that being a wife has nothing to do with how well i can cook and clean and do the laundry. that’s not why my husband married me. he didn’t even marry me because i was the mother of his baby. he married me because he saw in me the qualities and attributes that he was looking for in a partner. simply stated, he married me because he loves me.
my pregnancy was complicated and very difficult on me but did i ever once think that i shouldn’t or didn’t want to be going through all of that? do i resent the hours i spent at the hospital while i was still pregnant, or even the hours i spent in labor and subsequently in intense pain? do i resent the emergency c-section and the eight weeks it took me to recover?
it’s just ridiculous to think that i’m not a good mother. there is no other woman in this world that could be a better mother to my child than i am. i know that her success in life is contingent on her taking what she’s learned from me and applying to her life. so no matter what i teach her, it’s all up to her.
Comments (5)
Never let anyone tell you otherwise. You are an amazing mother, and will continue to inspire and teach your daughter beyond your wildest dreams.
Ahhh… egging people on. That could get you into trouble someday. lol.
I believe global warming is a non-issue topic for the fact that no one is acknowledging that the Earth’s climate has been changing for billions of years. What caused the Ice Age to end? There has been an estimated four Ice Ages stating at an estimated 2 billion years ago. Obliviously there were no cars or even humans then. Almost everyday an article comes out about something else is contributing to global warming. Same thing with someone finding out something else causes cancer along with everything else in this world. If we are adding to it what is going to stop all the other countries from not adding to it??
There are better things to worry about.
RE: “moron drivers, ok, more like aggressive drivers.”
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—> My mom calls these driver’s “WINGNUTS”
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RE: “i don’t believe there is a life for me that doesn’t involve her. that being said, i understand that she is more than just my daughter. she is a person in her own right and i try not to impose too many of my own beliefs on her. my parents always wanted me to express my individuality, never did they want to make me a miniature version of themselves.
—> Two thoughts: 1) you need take tie to be your own person, so that she has her own” identity 2) children naturally learn their identity through their parents role in their lives. I didn’t have the best role models in my growing up life and I still became a unique individual, who was pretty much completely different from my parents (with a few similar habits, of course). I don’t want my son to be a clone of me, but I want him to learn from my mistakes and to understand why I have certain values. In the end, when he grows up and has learned all that I have had to offer, he is free to do what he wishes with those lessons. If he’s anything like me, he will likely fall on his face a few dozen times (in learning the hard way).
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RE: “he married me because he loves me.” That’s the BEST kind of love. A love that is unconditional, and not based on our perfections (impossible) or faults.
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thanks for commenting on my blog too, by the way
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being an expat is awesome though! i used to be one.